It's 3.21am now and I'm still wide awake . My eyes are starting to look pretty bad. Reminds me of the schooling days - the latenights spent doing assignments and looking into the mirror every morning just to be aghast by the deteriorating state of those pair of eyes. And more breakouts are surfacing! This is so uncool. *pouts* About the frequent headaches and constant attacks and nose bleeds are always worrying, but I guess this time, it's because I'm exhausted and heated up (I think?). I still remember the exam period whereby I had this really stinging pain in my head every now and then and how I told Alicia about it and scared the shit out of myself by saying that maybe there's a tumour inside. Sounds ridiculous - even I was given the 'oh come on, don't be silly' look - but at that point of time, everything and anything just seemed possible. Haha !
Last night (Thursday) , was really a blessing in disguise . After all I've been through , its nice to finally being able to talk it out to someone . And I just can't help myself from laughing thinking about it. I don't know , haha . Its been awhile now , days are going by in a blink of an eye and these rammed emotions are finally subsiding . Good or bad ? I'll just have to find out . I had 3 hours of A Maths tuition today and Miss Pei Shan was so nice to give me 5 minutes breaks in between . Not forgetting that something which I have to brag about now . I have finally mastered my Coordinates and Geometry ! *Big Smile* Rabiah's out of town till the 17th Dec and Imma bout to leave for Johor Bahru in hours to come today , well since its already a Saturday morning . Im changing my hairstyle too and yeah, trust me , its never gona be short and, No ! I'm not rebonding my hair . Haha , I'll miss twirling my curls . I wonder how it'll end up ,urgh , Im so nervous . Ouh , yeah , Im changing my specs on the 25th because of my worsen eyesight . ): Burhh , and December babies are linning up for their bday presents already! *Bites nails* Just as you thought that you wanna save up the money for a school bag . ): But, nevermind . Lets see how it goes :D
My holiday assignments are yet to be done, urgh the agony ! Im planning to go out with Syazwan and Shreeya either next Tuesday or Wednesday for mugging in Banquet (haha! Don't ask why) and probably catch a movie after that ? Planet 51? Sherlock Holmes ? I don't know . I think I'm banding myself from using the computer pretty much soon . So , beep me if you need me (:
These situations are tearing me apart . One after another. I don't know if I'm ever going to survive it . Mentally and emotionally. I am a human being too . Time is running out and I don't know what to do . These bad dreams are haunting me and the stinging pain is getting worse . These sleepless nights are draining me and I think I am turning into a living dead . I was walking aimlessly today not knowing which way to go . Im lost . My head hurts and I can't think . I lied because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me . And Im living in guilt because I've comitted something wrong . What is going on? And theyre all asking the same thing . Why ? And I lied.
@ 8:08 PM
And I still find this sweet (:
Lessons learnt .
@ 12:03 AM
Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. When in doubt, just take the next small step. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch! Pay off your credit cards every month. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. It’s ouhkay to get angry with God. He can take it. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. It’s ouhkay to let your children see you cry. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’ Always choose life.
Forgive everyone everything. What other people think of you is none of your business. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does. Believe in miracles. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young. Your children get only one childhood. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. The best is yet to come. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. Yield. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
